“Stop listening to the message. I want to see you do something cognitive...” is what Dr. Alfred Grzegorek, a psychologist with Clinical and Consulting Psychological Services, said at a presentation on childhood trauma. As I considered what to write in my nascent blog about domestic, dating, family and sexual violence, i.e. interpersonal violence, it became clear that childhood and his statement is where to start.
Why? Because violence is a learned behavior and childhood is where most people learn violence is an acceptable way to handle interpersonal conflict. According to several sources, including the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), children witnessing violence in the home are at the greatest risk of themselves being abusive as adults. Violent images on television, movies and video games don't help, which will be a topic for the future. But these images are everywhere and not everyone is violent. The people who have the most influence on children is parents or care takers. This violence isn't limited to physical violence. What can do the most damage to a child is hearing “you're worthless,” “CSB is going to come take you if you don't behave” and “I should have aborted you.” or watching two people, who claim to love eachother engage in verbal and violent altercations. This is the message.
So what message do we want the future of our country to have? When I'm educating people who have lived in violent homes about effects of domestic violence on children, no one ever says to me that they want their child to yell, demean and assault other people. Yet, those same people often feel powerless to change their situation for their children. The reason, as Dr. G explained, is that only 17 percent of our thoughts are dictated by logic. The rest is emotionally driven. So if you have been told repeatedly that its okay to hit someone if you don't like what they had to say or its okay to degrade someone you love, then you're mind is mapped in such a way that the message is I am worthless, CSB should take me and I should have been aborted. That's normal. Logic tries to tell you otherwise as a child and then as an adult, but emotion wins over logic 83 percent of the time. The message ultimately is no one cares about me so why should I care about myself, let alone someone else.
Well, I care and I hope to stop that message and do something cognitive. I hope to "lasso the truth" with this blog.
Watch "Children See. Children Do," a PSA produced by the National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (NAPCAN) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d4gmdl3zNQ
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